There are many forces which keep me, and for that matter a lot of other miniature wargaming hobbyists I suspect, from pursuing our dreams and goals in this realm. Certainly financial limitations, more pressing responsibilities like family, work, and friends, etc... But there are more insidious obstacles to overcome, like the “mental wall” that Phil Olley talked about in an article in Battlegames magazine. Right now, I’m struggling with several of them.
The first is acadie. Acadie isn’t depression, despite its common usage as a fanciful synonym. Acadie doesn’t mean that you can get your energy level up (that’s depression), acadie is when you just don’t care to. It is the “why bother” demon that plagues so many dimensions of normal life these days, and drives us towards pointless, time-wasting, fast-gratuity escapism (e.g. Facebook games like FarmTown). The perfect line of “reasoning” for acadie is “why build an army that you’ll never use? It’ll never see a table ever.” What acadie distracts you from is any notion that painting the army or completing a project is a worthy and rewarding goal in-and-of-itself. I’m one who believes that army gamed with > army never gamed with, but I also think that army never gamed with > army never made.
Right now I’m feeling listless, not lacking the time or the energy, but just the sense of ennui regarding putting something together. But there’s more to the story.
The other part is that right now I’m looking around for another job. I have a job, a good job at a good place that pays well, but the position isn’t as secure as I’d like, even in this economy, and I’m also starting to just wonder if it isn’t time to move onto something else, to just see if I can perhaps move up. The potential for moving, even a slim and distant one, is making me gun-shy about investing time an energy into something that will either take up space in a moving track or get sold or maybe even donated to a FLGS.
Thankfully I’m married to a wonderful woman who points out that my armies are composed of tiny little men who, even when taken in totality, don’t have the volume of a small easy chair and will in all likelihood fit into a large moving truck She’s a good woman, that wife of mine.